Mononobe no Futo's Bad Day
by Ianho
Summary: If Mononobe no Futo had known what she was getting herself into when she entered the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, she would never have gotten out of bed that day.
1. Chapter 1

Mononobe no Futo was many things: scion of the storied Mononobe clan, immortal shikaisen, trusted right hand of the Crown Prince, feng shui master; the list went on and on. Unfortunately, the latest addition to that list was 'completely lost in an impenetrable forest at night'.

It was all Seiga's fault, as usual. She could hear the wicked hermit's coy, simpering voice even now…

* * *

"Really, Miko darling, you simply _must_ get in touch with those Lunarians."

"Thou wilt show proper respect to Her Highness, base-born mountebank!" snarled Futo.

Seiga continued without missing a beat. "After all, that doctor of theirs can do almost anything, I've heard. Even the Human Village swears by her amazing remedies; imagine what her support could do for your reputation! And let's not forget Princess Kaguya herself. A single glance from her drives men wild! Why, even the Son of Heaven couldn't resist her beauty, or so the stories go."

Toyosatomimi no Miko let out a single, thoughtful "Hmmm". Her ever-present shaku started tapping gently against her lip; a sure sign that she was considering something very carefully.

"My Prince, you cannot seriously be thinking…" Futo whirled to face Miko, mouth ajar.

"Enough, Futo. Seiga may not be as respectful as you would wish, but she does have a point. I have been awake for quite a while, but still have not paid my proper respects to the House of Eternity. This should be remedied as soon as possible. And who better to send than my trusty second?"

Futo shot a venomous look at Seiga, but Miko's words soothed her a little. "As you command, my Prince. Your will shall be done."

* * *

Futo had never considered disobeying Miko's instructions, but she was beginning to grow tempted to interpret them as loosely as possible. She had been wandering the Bamboo Forest of the Lost for nearly six hours, two by air and four on foot, and the daylight was already failing rapidly.

Her overflights of the forest had shown her nothing but a sea of gently waving bamboo stalks stretching almost to the horizon, so she had landed and began exploring on foot. Four hours of searching passed without encountering anything, not even one of the rabbit youkai who were supposed to be infesting this forest.

Every single direction-pointing ritual Futo had tried, whether from the traditions she learnt as a child or the arts that Seiga had taught in secret, had failed. All that effort, and not a single sign that the domain of the Lunarians was anywhere nearby. Wait, hadn't she passed that rock twice already?

"Truly, this accursed place well deserves its name. I had thought it simply the over-active imagination of the peasants or some minor enchantment, but to baffle even my skills…" Futo's mutterings trailed off as she saw a faint glimmer ahead.

No, not just any glimmer. A fire! She hadn't been so glad to see one since Sakurai-ji went up in flames. Of course, that one didn't really count, since she had been the one who set it...

Futo shook her head a little and started walking towards the flickering light; now was not the time for wool-gathering. She was tired, hungry, and more than a little frustrated. Resting for a while sounded like an excellent idea, and if the person in front could give her directions, all the better. She didn't even care where the directions took her, as long as she managed to get _somewhere_ instead of wandering aimlessly.

Soon, she emerged into a little clearing, where a figure was hunched over a fire burning away merrily.

"Hail and well-met, stranger! Dost thou have room at thy fire for a weary traveller, perchance?"

The person sitting on a large rock next to the fire glowered at her as she approached, but nodded and jerked her head slightly, indicating a patch of somewhat dry ground opposite. Futo nearly flopped down in exhaustion, but caught herself just in time. Instead, she carefully lowered herself to the ground, tucking her legs comfortably under her.

The flickering firelight revealed Futo's new acquaintance to be a woman dressed in one of the more outlandish costumes she had seen since her awakening. Long, unkempt white hair, a white tunic with a strange collar and what looked like red hakama, but were far tighter and covered with talismans. Truly, this was a strange era she had returned to.

After an awkward few minutes of silence, Futo spoke up. "Thou hast my thanks for the warmth and shelter, however rude it may be. Know that thou hast the honour of granting succour to Futo of the Mononobe, who is master of the True Way, seneschal of the Hall of Dreams' Great Mausoleum, majordomo of Senkai, and trusted advisor of the Crown Prince Toyosatomimi no Miko. What might thy name be, stranger?"

The woman snorted as Futo recited her titles. She didn't look too impressed, but commoners of this era usually reacted that way. Proper respect seemed to be incredibly lacking in this day and age. Nevertheless, Futo would be magnanimous. Allowances had to be made for their sad ignorance, after all. Of course, once the Crown Prince was properly installed as ruler of Gensokyo as was her rightful due, all that would change...

Startled, Futo realised that her companion had been speaking. "I beg thy pardon?"

"I said, I'm Mokou. Mokou of the Fujiwara, if it makes any difference to you."

Futo blinked a little. Fujiwara, Fujiwara. The name didn't sound very familiar, to be honest, but the way Mokou had said it, it was almost as if she expected her to know it.

"I pray thy forgiveness, but the name and deeds of the Fujiwara are not known to me. Alas, I have slept for most of an age, and much has changed since I last walked the soil of Nihon. Nevertheless, thine appearance does not bespeak much of them. Perhaps they are vassals charged with the care of this place? My condolences; such a duty must be onerous indeed."

Mokou snorted again, even more contemptuously than the first time, but stayed silent, letting the expression of distaste on her face speak volumes on her behalf.

Futo continued, uncaring of the mood. "Tell me, Fujiwara, art thou well acquainted with the paths of this benighted forest? I have a commission to fulfill from my master, and I would fain complete it swiftly. Dost thou know where the House of Eternity, demesne of the Princess Kaguya, may be found? I wish to meet her with all haste."

Mokou's expression remained unchanged, save for a barely perceivable twitch when Kaguya was mentioned.

"Huh. Wouldn't have thought you'd be looking for that place. You're one of that Taoist Saint's crew, aren't you? Heard about you people when I last went into town to visit Keine."

The white-haired woman idly stirred the fire with a dry branch, causing it to flare up slightly, while continuing to speak.

"The Myouren bunch seemed to be particularly upset, for some reason. Funny, it's usually Reimu who complains most about incidents. Anyway, what do you want to see Her Exalted Lunarness for?"

Futo fumed inwardly. The idiot woman didn't seem to understand. Perhaps it was time to speak plainly.

"'I would have thought my words earlier to suffice to make my purpose clear, but 'tis obvious that I presumed overly much. Nevertheless, I shall be generous and repeat myself: I am the representative of the great and glorious Crown Prince Toyosatomimi no Miko, who has awakened once more to bring her wisdom and guidance to all. Currently, I seek the Princess Kaguya of Eientei in order to present my lord's compliments to her. Lead me to her domain, and thy reward shall be rich. Otherwise, do not waste my time bandying words as if this were a marketplace and I a fishwife."

Mokou sighed. "Figures. Should have expected nothing else from a Mononobe. After all, they always were a bunch o' stuck up posers with their noses in the air."

She jerked herself to her feet sharply, stretching and working out the kinks in her back.

"Allies of granddad or not, they always were utterly insufferable. No wonder they changed their name later, probably couldn't stand to live with the shame of losing that war."

Futo was stunned into silence temporarily, but soon wounded pride and anger began to overwhelm her surprise. What did this jumped-up peasant think she was doing, referring to her honoured clan that way?!

True, she might have abandoned them and the ancient faith for the sake of the Crown Prince and the True Way; but she would kiss that rotting jiang-shi of Seiga's before she let an insult to their name pass!

"Thou hadst best still thy foolish tongue, else I still it for thee. The Mononobe were great and honoured before thine ancestors first scratched a living from the soil. Indeed, thou wouldst be well-advised to do as I instruct, or the consequences will not be pleasant."

Mokou leaned forward a little, smirking. "Oh? And just what're you going to do if I don't? Kill me?"

Perhaps it was something about the way the firelight fell on Mokou's face, but her entire presence seemed to have changed. Futo began to feel a little apprehensive. The white-haired woman didn't feel like a youkai (Oh, Futo knew those accursed beings far too well); yet no mere human could ever have exuded this feeling.

It was time she nipped this in the bud. Surely this disrespectful hick could be cowed by a show of force?

Slowly getting to her feet, Futo fixed Mokou with the coldest glare she could muster.

"I know not what foul arts thou possess, but know that I am a shikaisen, one who has overcome death itself! The secret arts of the Mononobe and the power of the True Way are united in me!"

She held out a hand, and fire bloomed in her palm, red hot and ready to be hurled at the soon-to-be humbled Mokou.

"Fear me, Fujiwara, and learn thy place!"

Mokou replied with a fireball of her own aimed squarely at Futo's face, which she hastily dodged with an undignified squawk.

"Oh, _please_. You really have been out of it for ages, haven't you? I haven't heard someone talk like that - alright, someone other than Kaguya when she's being even more infuriating than usual - since the Edo," drawled Mokou. "Also, immortality isn't exactly the best thing to use to scare me, ya know? You're speaking to someone who drank the Hourai Elixir, after all."

Even Futo had heard of the Hourai Elixir, though Seiga had only ever mentioned it as being a legend. Regardless, the immortality it was rumoured to grant was something even she could never hope to match. Her mind frantically raced to think of something to get her out of the mess that seemed to be getting worse every minute.

What was that barbaric custom they had here? The one that the shrine maiden had used to defeat her just after her awakening?

"I, I challenge thee to a contest of...uh...ah, yes, danmaku! If victory shalt be mine, thou shalt guide me to Princess Kaguya and nothing more shall be said of thine appalling manners."

Mokou advanced, cracking her knuckles. "And what if I win?"

"Uh, I shall say nothing more of thine appalling manners?"

"Wrong answer."


	2. Chapter 2

Mononobe no Futo had never been known for her calm and rational reactions to unexpected situations. This probably explained why she was still wandering deep within the Bamboo Forest of the Lost in the dead of the night, with her eyebrows singed off and smoke still wafting off the charred edges of her robe.

The shikaisen was currently stumbling aimlessly down an overgrown path, just wide enough to allow her to pass. A continuous, sullen mutter could be heard drifting down the track.

"Mayhap I acted too hastily when dealing with that base-born incendiary. Uncouth she may have been, but her skills in our duel were indeed worthy of song…"

* * *

A massive explosion shook the stillness of the Bamboo Forest, as yet another century-old stand of bamboo was reduced to splinters by an errant danmaku shot.

The match between Mononobe no Futo and Fujiwara no Mokou was in full swing, and the night skies lit up every so often with a fresh display of pyrotechnic might.

"Submit to me and swear loyalty to the rightful rule of the Crown Prince, and I may yet be merciful!"

"Don't get too full of yourself; you might just spill!"

Mokou seemed to be getting more talkative as the duel continued. She'd started with grunts and then progressed to one-word insults.

Now she'd started getting - horror of horrors - _witty_.

"Hourai 「South Wind, Clear Sky -Fujiyama Volcano-」 !"

Futo swore and rolled out of the way of yet more spouts of flame, which then proceeded to explode violently, spraying great fountains of fire in every direction. She immediately took to the air, jinking and weaving around, and managed to successfully dodge every blast sent her way.

That is, every blast except the last, which proceeded to explode directly in her face and sent her crashing back to earth. Picking herself up, Futo groggily assessed her current prospects of winning. Unfortunately for her, the battle appeared to be leaning distinctly towards Mokou at the moment.

"What's the matter, can't take the heat?"

The Hourai immortal stalked forward, flames surrounding her like a halo.

Futo was already getting quite winded, to tell the truth. That last point-blank hit had taken quite a bit out of her. Nonetheless, her blood was up, and she would rather have died than admit any weakness at that point.

She sprang to her feet, calling on whatever reserves of strength she still possessed.

"Flatter not thyself! Thine embers could barely warm the meanest hovel, let alone hurt one such as myself. Now, witness the very concept of fire, the flames that spring from the heart of all creation! Blaze Sign 「Taiyi True Fire」 !"

Mokou began to dodge, first slowly, then faster and faster as the gouts of glowing plasma launched by Futo began igniting the surroundings violently, causing additional bursts of flame to shoot in every direction. No one could have avoided them all, and one well-aimed shot scored a direct hit, reducing the Fujiwara to a blackened crisp. Futo's shout of mingled surprise and triumph was cut short as Mokou got up a few moments later, looking none the worse for wear.

"Hah! Not too shabby, I'll admit, but it's not like dying fazes me much."

"Barbaric though it may be, wast not this method of duelling claimed to be non-lethal?" Futo called out, a slightly dumbfounded expression on her face. It was not every day you saw someone get up after being incinerated. "The shrine maiden herself did inform me that once the contest was agreed upon, the magic of the land itself enforced that rule, save by mutual consent."

Mokou simply shrugged. "This body of mine is so weak, it even dies from danmaku shots, but I just resurrect anyway. Yeah, Keine keeps nagging me to live more healthily, but I figure, why bother?"

Futo nodded. "Truly, the power of the Hourai Elixir is beyond compare. Say no more, and let us end this farce before any more time is wasted."

"I couldn't agree more. 「Phoenix Rebirth」!

The Taoist barely had time to move before the first barrage of flames smashed into her, followed by a second, then a third wave. Everything went black, and she knew no more.

* * *

Futo came to her senses a short time later, with a throbbing headache that was even worse than her hangover from that twenty-jar shochu dare with Tojiko. What had just happened, and why was she sprawled out on the forest floor?

Suddenly, the memories of the last thirty minutes flooded back into her mind, and she jerked up and looked around. Mokou was gone, and the only evidence remaining of their duel were the smouldering bamboo stalks and the blackened patches of forest floor.

Slowly getting to her feet, Futo couldn't help wincing as her body protested vigorously at the fresh abuse she was heaping on it. Slowly. she began limping back down the narrow trail, deeper into the forest. She wasn't about to admit defeat in her quest just yet. If she did, not only would Miko be very disappointed with her, that ass Tojiko would be _utterly_ insufferable for the next few months.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a pleasant night in the Bamboo Forest of the Lost. A gentle breeze was blowing, and the full moon had risen, bathing everything beneath it in a soft silver glow.

Nevertheless, Mononobe no Futo was not in the mood to appreciate any of it. Every last part of her ached, she stank of burnt bamboo and singed hair, and to make it all worse, she was still no closer to her destination than she had been before that ill-fated duel with Mokou. Muttering to herself, she trudged down yet another path that looked exactly like the one before it, and the one before that, and the one before that...

"Pah! 'Twas but an underhanded blow that allowed that charcoal-burner to best me. Had it been a fair contest of skill, the power of the True Way wouldst surely have triumphed! Next time we meet, not even if she wielded the flames of Amaterasu would she triumph, for I, Futo of the great Mononobe Clan, shall not be defea…"

A loud crack was all the warning the shikaisen had before the ground beneath her feet ceased to exist, and she fell into nothingness…

...landing with a solid thump on the floor of a deep pit, breathless from the fall and from her cry of alarm. (Not a squeal! She had most certainly not squealed!)

Picking herself up from the dirt, which appeared to be becoming a common event in this thrice-accursed forest, Futo looked around her new surroundings. She was in a large hole, nearly two metres deep, with sides of loose, crumbly earth.

In the Outside World, such a situation would have meant a long wait till someone came along and provided aid. However, this was _not_ the Outside World, and all it took to escape the pit was Futo simply floating up and out, and landing with a huff.

"Hmph! To use such cowardly artifices in order to ensnare the unwary! Truly, this age is one of most irreverence and disrespect! Nevertheless, 'tis but a simple matter for one such as myself to overcome these minor inconveniences."

With those parting words, Futo turned to stalk off...and was violently jerked off the ground by a hidden snare just beyond the pitfall, leaving her dangling upside down from a particularly tall clump of bamboo.

The Taoist's final thread of composure snapped.

"Come forth, thou naughty varlet! Face me, and show thy coward visage, else I pronounce thee craven, accursed, spawn of a…"

Futo's wild ravings were cut off by a snicker emanating from a bamboo thicket, which soon developed into full out chuckles, as a slight figure wearing a pink dress emerged, eyes glimmering with wicked glee.

"Well, well, what have we here? Here I was looking for rabbits, and instead I caught myself a boar, and a big fat one too!"

"Art thou calling me swine, rascal?! Thou shalt release me this very minute, or else learn that the wrath of Futo of the Mononobe, Master of the True Way, is terrible to behold!"

The rabbit-eared girl grinned, idly tossing a coin in the air.

"Oh? But aren't you the one tied up here? Surely it should be me making the demands? Also, 'Master of the True Way' or not, you seemed pretty lost earlier. You sure that True Way of yours is actually leading you anywhere?"

A queasy mix of panic and rage was currently filling Futo as she struggled with her bonds.

"Cease thy japery, knave! Mock not that which thou dost not fathom! The True Way governs all that is and ever will be, and the gibes of fools matter not a whit to those who have been initiated into its mysteries."

The foul youkai (for what else could such a being be?) simply smirked.

"Well, initiated into mysteries or not, I think I'm the one who's in charge here, and you're the one dangling up in the air. So, what'll it be? Shall I leave you here to keep pondering on your True Way, or shall I have some more fun before...Whoa!"

That last exclamation was due to the sudden fireball that hissed past the rabbit's ears, as Futo had begun wildly hurling flames in all directions.

"Thou shalt trick no more humans with thy cursed wiles, foul youkai, for I, Mononobe no Futo, will ensure that thou art ended once and for all! This I swear, by the plate that housed me!"

Looking slightly less confident than when she first stepped out, the pink-clad rabbit took a few steps back, just as an extremely well-timed (or ill-timed, depending on the perspective) fireball burned through the rope holding Futo up.

The shikaisen landed on the ground with a thud, knocking the wind out of her. The rabbit took this as her cue to make a hasty departure, turning and dashing down the winding path deeper into the forest.

"Fie on thee, thou faint-heart! Stand and face the one who wouldst be thine opponent, and mayhap I might give thee a swift end!"

Gasping a little, the Taoist hauled herself to her feet and ran after her erstwhile tormentor. Futo was willing to suffer no more indignity this accursed night, and she would be damned before she let this vile trickster escape to wreak more havoc elsewhere.


	4. Chapter 4

Mononobe no Futo panted desperately for air as her feet pounded incessantly on the soft forest floor, dodging the occasional boulder, and striving mightily to overtake a very, very fast rabbit who appeared to not want to be overtaken.

The chase had been going on for a while. If Futo's reckoning was accurate (she had somewhat lost count between the second pitfall and the fourth cul-de-sac), she had been attempting to chase down the foul youkai for at least an hour. Several times, she had nearly lost the wretch, only to catch sight of her at the last minute. Why, if she didn't know any better, she'd think that the pest was _toying_ with her!

Of course, no such thing was happening, and it was obviously only Futo's superior woodcraft and finely honed senses that was keeping the chase going. She did have to grant that the rabbit was amazingly fast, and cunning in a low sort of way. It almost reminded her of hunts back in the old days, when the Crown Prince and her faithful retainers would head out on horseback, ready for a day of pitting their wits and strength against the untamed wilds. Ah, what a magnificent sight it was! They would be lined up outside the city gates, and then the Crown Prince would stand up in the stirrups and cry...

"Tewi! Teewwiiii! TEWI! Where are you, you blasted bunny!?"

The call rang out just ahead of her, and Futo's befuddled brain had only enough time to snap back to the present before the shikaisen crashed into a tall, lavender-haired girl who had just turned the corner, bowling both of them over in a tangle of limbs. Grunting in pain, Futo picked herself off the ground yet again (this 'falling' thing really was becoming a bad habit) and turned to look at the person whom she had literally just run into.

The unfortunate woman groaned as she picked herself off the ground, all the while using some very creative insults to describe a certain 'Tewi'. Her whole demeanor felt...tired, for lack of a better word, and she looked haggard and careworn. Her clothes, a short pleated piece of fabric which barely reached above her knees, and a collared white tunic much like Mokou's, were wrinkled and stained, while there were massive eye bags below her large red eyes. As she brushed dirt and leaves off her body, her long ears twitched incessantly, as if constantly detecting unheard sounds.

Wait, what? Red eyes? Long ears!?

"By the Sacred Boat of the Mononobe! Yet another foul youkai here to hinder me in my mission!"

The newcomer blinked, looking confused. "Uhh, I'm not going to hinder you in anything, just so you know. Also, aren't you the one who knocked me over? I should be the one accusing _you_ of hindering _me_."

Futo had the grace to look somewhat abashed at that. "Indeed, my haste blinded me to much, and 'twas my lack of caution which led to that unfortunate matter just now. However, I was hunting down a foul trickster, who used her cowardly wiles to ensnare me. I am on a mission of great importance, and the delay cost me much. Such impertinence should be punished!"

The Taoist eyed Reisen's ears suspiciously. "Whilst thou keepest a civiller tongue in thine head than that youkai, thy features art somewhat similar. Art thou by any chance associated with that vile miscreant?"

The rabbit-eared woman let out a long-suffering sigh. "You ran into Tewi, didn't you? Urgh, not only is she nowhere to be found whenever master or the princess wants her, now she's pranking random travellers as well. Honestly, that girl will get herself in real trouble one day."

Futo's ears pricked up at the magic word. ' _Princess_ '? Could it be? Was her quest at an end at last? She was so excited, she failed to notice that the woman had not quite answered her question.

"Princess?! What Princess do you speak of? Quickly, answer! For I have been seeking the Princess Kaguya for many a long hour, and my mission cannot be delayed!" barked Futo, unconsciously taking a few steps towards the newcomer.

The rabbit-eared woman held out her palms. "Whoa, whoa. Calm down! Yes, I'm part of the Princess Kaguya's household. Her guardian and tutor, the Lady Yagokoro, is my master. Just who are you, and why are you looking for her so urgently?"

Cursing herself for a short-sighted, excitable fool, Futo sketched the most elegant bow she could perform. Unfortunately, but understandably, after being pummeled by an immortal, falling in a pit, getting caught in a snare, and tearing round the Bamboo Forest for an hour chasing a rabbit, it was not really very elegant at all. Her burnt, tattered clothes and the multiple bruises and scratches festooning the Taoist's limbs and face did not help.

"Forgive me my shameful lack of manners. Thine eyes look upon Mononobe no Futo, representative of the great Crown Prince Toyosatomimi no Miko, once known as Crown Prince Shoutoku. I seek the Princess Kaguya in order to present the compliments and greetings of the Crown Prince to her Highness the Princess, as is meet and proper."

The lavender-haired woman simply quirked an eyebrow. "Huh. In that case, do you need me to take you to Eientei? It's not too far off from here."

It was all Futo could do to stop herself falling on her knees in gratitude. Even her desire to roast Tewi to a crisp, or the fact that she was most likely talking to a youkai, was forgotten at the relief of finally making some progress in her mission.

"Yes,verily! Indeed, this meeting with thee 'twas most serendipitous. Thy master must be blessed to have such a faithful retainer, and the Princess Kaguya thrice-blessed to have a such wise and devoted guardian. Lead on, O journeyman. "

The rabbit-eared woman looked a little confused, mouthing to herself "Journeyman?", but then just shook her head a little and turned around, starting to walk in the direction she had been coming from earlier.

"Right, but watch out for Tewi's traps. I'm pretty sure she's laid some which I didn't spot or trigger earlier. Oh, and by the way, my name is Reisen Udongein Inaba, but you can just call me Reisen."

The Taoist dashed after Reisen, face all smiles. "Ah, 'tis a pleasure to make thine acquaintance, Journeyman Reisen! I normally do not behave this familiarly with my inferiors, but thou mayst address me by my given name. Consider it a reward for thy service towards me and the Crown Prince."

Reisen was a little too far ahead for Futo to make out her words, but they sounded suspiciously like "Oh, the princess is going to _love_ this one." Then again, there was still some dirt in her ears, so obviously she must have misheard Reisen. Instead, Futo sped up her pace to keep with her guide, as the rabbit was now moving faster through the maze of paths, making turns without a second glance.

After what felt like an eternity, but in reality was less than fifteen minutes, both of them emerged into a clearing. A sturdy, but low, fence and gate were present, looking elegant but clearly purely decorative. However, in front of the gate, there was someone Futo had not expected to see at all...

"Oh myyy~. It sure does look like you're not having the best of days, Futo. Isn't it good that the Crown Prince was getting a bit worried and sent me out here to see if you needed help? After all, I am her Highness's _most_ faithful and capable servant. "

Futo grit her teeth. Could this blasted day get any worse?

"Tojiko. How very... _nice_ to see thee here."


	5. Chapter 5

Mononobe no Futo was almost certain that someone, somewhere out there, had something against her in particular. There was no other way to explain the sheer run of bad luck she'd been experiencing. Sure, the Ministry of Right and Wrong had it out for her for cheating death anyway; but there were supposed to be _rules_ for this kind of thing. A shinigami would come and challenge her, they'd have an epic battle, she'd be victorious and go home to Miko in triumph. This kind of farce, on the other hand, was just...petty. Also, getting Tojiko involved counted as cruel and unusual punishment, at least in her book.

The sound of a throat loudly cleared dragged Futo's attention back to the nightmare her life was rapidly becoming.

"If you're quite done staring, can we finally go into the mansion? I've been waiting here for nearly an hour, and the night air is a bit chilly. You should probably get cleaned up too, you look and smell even worse than that pet of Lady Seiga's," muttered Tojiko, screwing up her nose as a particularly pungent whiff reached her.

A scathing reply on her lips, Futo opened her mouth, then closed it with a snap. The thought of letting out her frustrations on Tojiko and shutting her up for good (or at least the next couple hours) had a certain attractiveness, and Futo was sorely tempted to indulge herself. The only thing that held her back was the knowledge that her mission would be completely ruined if the two of them descended to brawling at the very gate of Eientei. What would Princess Kaguya think of the Crown Prince if her chosen emissaries couldn't even tolerate each other? No, for the sake of fulfilling Miko's charge to her, she would hold back. Her revenge would come afterwards, and it would be all the sweeter for the waiting.

With this thought consoling her, Futo nodded her assent. "Indeed. Come, Tojiko. Let us ready ourselves to be presented to her Highness, the Princess Kaguya. We have a charge to fulfill, and I would fain see it done afore the day-star rises once more."

The shikaisen turned to Reisen, who looked both fascinated and disturbed as she watched the two Taoists.

"Lead the way, Journeyman Reisen! If thou wouldst show us both some place where we could prepare appropriately for an audience with thy Lady, 'twould be most welcome indeed."

With a small sigh, Reisen turned and gestured for the two of them to follow her. The three women stepped (and floated) through the gates, and down a winding path paved with artfully cut cobblestones. A sharp right turn, and Futo's breath caught in her throat at her first sight of Eientei.

Outwardly, it seemed to only be a traditional Japanese manor, albeit a well-built one. Illuminated by the full moon, a raked gravel garden surrounded the house proper, with the ubiquitous bamboo of the forest growing here and there, but in ways that made it clear that the growth of these particular clumps had been directed by someone. All in all, it appeared to be a large but simple country residence; something that would have been built on a whim by even the lesser nobility of Futo's day.

Nonetheless, there was something ineffable about the simplicity of Eientei; something that Futo could not put her finger on. The shikaisen had seen her fair share of magnificent palaces, monumental shrines, and glorious temples in her previous life, but somehow, the House of Eternity seemed more substantial, more _real_ than all of them combined. There was a sense of permanence and timelessness about the place that made anywhere else seem ephemeral and young. To someone who was (technically) more than a millennium old, this was a humbling feeling, yet strangely enticing at the same time.

Forcing down a lump in her throat that had mysteriously appeared, Futo glanced at her ghostly companion for a few seconds. Judging by the dumbstruck yet strangely longing look on her face, Tojiko felt the same way.

How long the two of them stood there, Futo never knew. The spell was broken at last by Reisen's slight cough. The rabbit-eared woman was standing at the door, and appeared to have entered the house and reemerged while Futo and Tojiko were distracted.

"You two can come in now. The second room to your left down the corridor has everything you will need to freshen up. I've told Master of your arrival, and she has gone to inform the Princess. Someone will be sent to escort you to the audience chamber once the Princess is ready. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have something urgent I need to see to." Turning on her heel, Reisen strode off, disappearing round the corner as quickly as she had appeared.

Removing her footwear, Futo entered, moving slowly as if in a daze. Tojiko floated alongside her, equally subdued. Inside the room that Reisen had indicated, they found a basin of cold, clear water, as well as perfumed soaps, fresh with the scent of herbs. An elaborately decorated folding screen provided a modicum of privacy, and divided the room in two. On the other side, a plate of mochi was laid out on a low table, with a fresh, steaming pot of tea next to it.

The sight of the mochi reminded Futo that she had not eaten for over twelve hours, and she suddenly felt ravenous. Making a beeline for the plate of sweetmeats, Futo grabbed one and stuffed it into her mouth without any concern for decorum, chewing loudly on the sticky pastry.

"Ah, the famous elegance of the Mononobe. They truly set the standard for etiquette through the land. It makes me ashamed to even be in their presence, unmannered as I am, " murmured Tojiko. The ghost drifted over to the teapot, gracefully pouring a cup for herself, and one more for Futo. Picking up her tea, Tojiko inhaled the fragrance wafting up from it with an expression of pleasure.

"No one would think thee mute if thou didst not open thy fool mouth, Tojiko," retorted Futo with a scowl, flopping onto an embroidered cushion and swallowing the last chunk of mochi in her mouth. And things had actually been going well for once, Futo thought bitterly. The feeling of serenity from earlier was slipping away rapidly.

" _My_ fool mouth? That's rich, coming from the one who habitually blurts out the first thing that comes to mind," snapped Tojiko. The peaceful mood was well and truly gone now. "Did you already forget how you mouthed off to that youkai abbess the first time you met her and nearly got smashed by an angry nyuudou? Oh, and then you decided it was a good idea to try and set it on fire! It was a living cloud, what did you expect would happen? In case you missed the memo, water doesn't burn!"

Futo looked away, cheeks reddening. "'Twas but a momentary lapse of judgement. Those vile charlatans deserved chastisement, though perhaps not at that very moment. Now, pray excuse me, as I will need to perform the proper ablutions before we are called into the Princess's presence." She jumped to her feet hastily and proceeded to do just that. That the basin was behind a screen that completely hid her from sight was in no way related to her actions, of course.

Just as Futo came out from behind the screen, feeling refreshed for the first time in hours, the door to the room slid open. The shikaisen froze as she saw a short, rabbit-eared figure silhouetted in the doorway.

A childish voice piped up. "Umm, honoured guests, the princess is ready to see you now. If you will follow…Huh? What's the matter?"

"Tis thee, thou knave! Art thou not the one called Tewi, who so vexed both me and Journeyman Reisen earlier? Thou wilt pay for thy transgressions, for so I swore on the plate that housed me!" Futo snarled, as she pointed a shaking finger towards the confused rabbit.

"But, but I'm not Lady Tewi! I'm Totoko! I don't look like her at all!" protested the rabbit. "I haven't seen Lady Tewi for a few weeks, and I've been here pounding mochi and helping in the clinic all this…." Her voice trailed off as Futo advanced, a mad light in her eyes. The earth rabbit audibly gulped, and a panicked look appeared on her face. The next second, she turned tail and bolted down the corridor just as a fireball crashed into the doorway.

Letting out a loud oath, Futo immediately dashed after her. She would not let the foul trickster get away again, not when she had infiltrated the very house of the Princess! A pained groan could be heard coming from the room she had just left, but Futo paid no heed to Tojiko's foolish behaviour. Swift, decisive action was what was called for here, instead of acting like an old woman!

The rabbit was only mid-way down the corridor, Futo saw. A warm glow rose in her, as she rapidly gained on her quarry. Now, she would be avenged for her humiliation, and a menace to all humanity removed for good!

Just as Futo prepared to seize her target, the rabbit suddenly turned sharply to the right, disappearing through an open doorway. Futo attempted to follow, only to find herself on a smooth, freshly polished floor. Futo's stockinged feet scrabbled for a few seconds but found no grip, and the shikaisen crashed to the floor with a loud squeal. She slid forward a few metres before coming to a stop, face down. The Taoist slumped bonelessly, groaning in pain.

"Perhap my zeal did burn too brightly for a moment there," mumbled Futo unhappily, not even raising her head.. She didn't even want to get up again. What was the point? "Was I born under an unlucky star, that such misfortune constantly dogs my footsteps? This last misstep might yet be my undoing..."

"I concur," said a cool, authoritative voice. "Now, explain yourself. Who are you, and why are you chasing the rabbits of Eientei through its corridors?"

Futo gulped and raised her head. Two newcomers stood before the shikaisen. The one who had just spoken was dressed in a long, sweeping dress of blue and red with what looked like constellations upon it, and wearing a strangely-shaped cap upon her head. Her long silver hair was braided tightly, and her ageless face had a severe look on it as she gazed on the unfortunate Taoist. The earth rabbit from earlier peeked out from behind her flowing skirts, then ducked behind them again quickly.

The other person stood just slightly shorter than the one in blue and red, but her presence was no less the greater for it. Long, lustrous hair which nearly swept the floor framed a face whose allure would leave even the most self-assured person a stammering, blushing fool. Futo had seen many beauties in her day, even counted herself among them, but this woman outshone all others as the sun outshone a candle. Elaborate robes of pink and red pooled around her, with delicate embroidery picking out patterns of leaves and branches upon them. Her eyes danced with mirth, as if at some private joke.

"Futo, you idiot! What happened? I heard you screa..." Tojiko's voice trailed off as the newly arrived ghost took in the tableau before her.

"It appears that these are the guests that Reisen informed us of, Eirin," smiled the pink-clad newcomer. "Well then! While this may not have been how I expected things to go, I see no reason to be too upset. I am the Princess Houraisan Kaguya, and as the mistress of the House of Eternity, I bid you both welcome!"

Futo groaned again. This really was the _worst_ day ever...


	6. Chapter 6

Mononobe no Futo was sitting motionless in the front of the audience chamber of Eientei, gaze pointedly fixed straight ahead. Her legs were carefully tucked under her in seiza, and her face seemed calm, but the occasional traitorous twitch might suggest to an observer that all was not well with the Taoist.

Behind her stoic mask, Futo was a mass of conflicting feelings. Part of her was already in despair, what with the horrendous first impression she had made. That lump Tojiko hadn't helped much either, standing there and staring like a moonstruck cow while she embarrassed herself in front of the Princess. Another, more hopeful part was trying to think of ways to salvage whatever she could from this debacle. After all, the Princess hadn't seemed too bothered earlier; she even seemed to be amused at the whole thing!

Of course, when you were that gorgeous, you could afford to behave in such a way; shrugging off insults as if they didn't matter. Why would one be bothered by such petty things when the world would eagerly throw itself at your feet just for the chance of receiving a smile? It simply wasn't _fair_.

With that last bitter thought lingering in her mind, Futo finally gave up her attempts to look serious and dignified as she glanced furtively around the audience hall. She couldn't help but stare at all the new and interesting things around her, even if it _was_ rather uncouth. Anyway, even if she was noticed, it couldn't possibly make the situation any worse right now. The prospect of inspecting the interior of such a place as the House of Eternity was just too tantalising for her to resist. The feelings it had evoked in her earlier had left a deep impression, and she was eager to see more of the manor than the small glimpses she had snatched so far. Besides, the Princess and that stern guardian of hers (What was her name again? Lady Yagatoro? Yagokara? Bah, she'd remember eventually) were occupied with Tojiko. Their conversation seemed to be keeping them busy for now, so Futo could gawk all she liked and no one would be any the wiser.

The room was longer than it was wide, with a small dais placed against one of the narrower sides. The Princess was sitting atop it, legs folded demurely under her, with her mentor slightly behind and to her side, both of them deep in conversation with Tojiko. Futo seethed a little inside at the sight. Hadn't she been the one the Crown Prince had tasked with meeting the Princess? But here she was now, having to sit quietly to one side while that glory hog of a ghost monopolised the attention of the Princess.

Futo forced herself to look away, fixing her gaze instead on the opposite side of the room. It looked as if there was a sliding door there, opening out into the garden, which could be seen through the window next to it. It was shut now, of course, but Futo would wager a pretty sum that it would be very pleasant indeed to sit there with a nice bowl of sake on a crisp autumn night, looking out at the moon.

There were many strange things placed around the room as well. At the back, there was a strange mechanical contraption, with wheels and a seat, as well as metal bits and pieces sticking out every which way. Sitting incongruously next to it was a simple ox-cart, of all things. Futo craned her neck, trying to make out what else was there. Were those _rocks_ on that pedestal?! Who on earth had been in charge of the decor here?

At least the front of the hall seemed a little more conventional, at least to Futo's eyes. Tapestries were draped around the front half of the room, delicately woven and embroidered. They seemed to be telling a story, but one that the shikaisen was not familiar with, at least not immediately. The nearest tapestry, slightly to Futo's front and left,showed what looked like a woodcutter in a grove of bamboo. The next nearest tapestry, immediately opposite the Taoist, appeared to be the last in the sequence, since there were no others past it. On it, the great Mount Fuji could be seen, but with a thin wisp of smoke drifting from the top. The others were too far out of Futo's view to make out clearly without moving closer.

Off to one corner, a bonsai tree could be seen, in a small, delicate-looking pot placed atop another pedestal. The state of the bonsai puzzled Futo a little; it looked like it was dead, with branches completely bare. Though now that she looked carefully, that wasn't really true. There appeared to be tiny buds present, almost too small to see. Futo squinted a little, trying to make them out. Was each bud a different colour? They looked strange as well, too round to be completely natural…

"Ah, I see you've noticed my bonsai," came a voice from the dais. "What do you think of it, Lady Mononobe?"

Futo snapped her gaze back towards the front of the room immediately, panic momentarily filling her at the sudden question. "Is it dead?" she blurted out. Off to the side, Tojiko groaned softly and buried her face in her hands.

Princess Kaguya simply laughed, a clear, bell-like sound that resounded throughout the room.

"Of course not! Though I must admit, it is an easy mistake to make. No, that bonsai is an udonge tree, and it is very much alive. It has been like that for the past millennium, though perhaps not for much longer."

"Truly? Well, 'tis a wondrous plant indeed to live that long, a worthy possession indeed for your Highness."

Futo still didn't quite get it, but as no further explanation seemed forthcoming, she decided to try and change the subject to something hopefully more in keeping with her mission.

"Pardon my presumption, Highness, but might I humbly enquire as to whether my companion hast mentioned the reason why we seeketh audience with your radiant self?"

Kaguya smiled, looking towards Tojiko, who was currently busy conversing with Eirin. Even then, the vengeful spirit still occasionally shot a wary glance towards Futo.

"I believe she mentioned something about your master, the Crown Prince Shoutoku and her recent reawakening in Gensoukyou. The Crown Prince would like to present her greetings and salutations to Eientei, and to request an eventual audience as well. Have I gotten it all correct?"

"Indeed you have, Highness! Truly, both beauty and wisdom are united in your royal person, only surpassed, I trow, by your great magnanimity! "

As the Taoist continued her gushing praise, Kaguya's smile never faltered, though it slowly became somewhat fixed. Oblivious, Futo continued to prattle on.

Eventually, the flow of elegant compliments subsided, and the princess spoke once more, her tone that of the perfect hostess, eager to please her guests.

"You have my thanks for your kind words, Lady Mononobe, but I scarcely deserve such lofty praise. After all, the one who really does all the work here is Eirin. But where are my manners? Please, do tell me of yourself as refreshments are served."

Fitting actions to words, Kaguya clapped her hands softly thrice, and as soon as the last echoes had died away, the door slid open and three rabbit-eared girls entered, bearing plates of mochi and other sweets, as well as a steaming pot of tea and several cups. Futo nearly started up at their entrance, but a warning glare from Tojiko caused her to hastily subside once more. Nevertheless, she kept her eyes fixed on the three serving girls, just in case.

As the earth rabbits served the tea, Futo belatedly remembered that she had been asked to speak.

"Ah, Highness, my apologies! I was most unseemingly distracted and failed to respond to your command. Please, allow me to address my mistake post-haste."

Pausing a moment to take a sip of the tea (her throat was getting somewhat dry), the shikaisen continued.

"As you must already know, Princess, I am Futo of the Mononobe, and second-in-command to her Royal Highness Toyosatomimi no Miko. While 'tis not my aim to unduly boast, simple truth compels me to admit that I am a master of the True Way, as well as possessing a more than passing familiarity with the subtle art of feng shui. Currently, I am furthering my initiation into the mysteries of the True Way under the guidance of the Crown Prince, who is even more advanced in the deep secrets of the True Way than I. Also, as my duties permit, I practice the art of the bow, as I have found that it clears my mind most admirably. 'Tis most enjoyable a pastime as well, I must admit!"

"Oh, how wonderful!" Kaguya turned towards her companion, calling out cheerily, "Eirin, it appears that Lady Mononobe here is an archer as well. I'm sure you two will get along splendidly!"

Turning back, Kaguya leaned slightly towards Futo, as if confiding a secret to her. "To tell you the truth, dear Eirin tried to teach me to master the bow as well. Unfortunately, I never quite got the hang of the thing, which made her quite disappointed. It will make her quite happy to be able to talk about it with someone again. Most people here in Gensoukyou don't really bother with archery, you know."

"Now, Princess, don't sell yourself too short. You may not have been destined to be a master of the bow, but you were a quick learner of the basics."

Futo started at the unexpected voice, turning around to see who it was. The Princess's guardian, Lady Yagokoro (Ah, that was the name!) had risen and moved off the dais, and was now standing next to the Taoist. Futo felt a little uneasy, seeing as the silver-haired woman had managed to come so close without making any sound at all. Also, was that good-for-nothing Tojiko _smirking_ at her discomfiture?

Nevertheless, Futo rallied. "Lady Yagokoro, a pleasure to make your acquaintance. I trust that the earlier unpleasantness has been put behind us, as is meet and proper. 'Tis my hope that the sacred bonds of friendship may soon blossom and grow profusely between us."

The Lunarian gave Tojiko a somewhat calculating look before replying, one that Futo found familiar. It was the same one her former tutor used to give her whenever she had said something particularly foolish, at least in the eyes of the old bat.

"I certainly hope that your archery skills are better than your skills with words, Lady Mononobe. That mixed metaphor was most cringe-inducing. Your reflexes could also use some work, judging by your earlier performance."

Yep, definitely like her old tutor. She even had the tone (a subtle blend of disapproval mixed with scorn) perfect. Doubtlessly, Tojiko had already poisoned the mind of the Princess's mentor against her. Hah! Futo would show them all.

"You need not fear on that account, Lady Yagokoro. It may be that this body of mine was somewhat slowed by my long slumber, yet I trust my skill yet remains undiminished. 'Tis not the way of the exemplary person to overly praise oneself, yet I was formerly second only to the Crown Prince in the arts of bowplay, and in this diminished age, 'twould be child's play for one such as myself to achieve any feat of the bow that could be asked for."

At that, Kaguya's face lit up. "How fascinating! Eirin, I have a request. I would like to see how your skills match up with Lady Mononobe's here. After all, this might be the only chance either of you get at a real challenge for the next century or so!"

"If you're absolutely sure, Princess," murmured the sage, seemingly reluctant. That said, Futo didn't like the glint in Eirin's eye that had appeared when Kaguya had voiced her wishes. That kind of look in her tutor had usually heralded something painful ahead for Futo.

Turning to the Taoist, Kaguya fixed her with a brilliant smile. "Lady Mononobe, I apologise at the presumption, but please, indulge me in this small thing. It does get so _dreadfully_ tedious here from time to time, and something like this would certainly liven things up!"

Futo was beginning to panic again. When the Princess put it that way...what on earth could she say but yes? She had to stay in Kaguya's favour, and that meant keeping her happy, but the Princess's confounded guardian was looking entirely too smug for her to be comfortable.

"Ah, such 'twould indeed be my pleasure at any other time. Sadly, I saw not any place suitable for such exertions either within or without this marvellous manor. It would scarcely be my wish to unduly cause inconvenience, so perhap we might challenge each other's skills at another, more auspicious time?" It was a long shot, and Futo knew it, but she had run out of options by now.

At that, Eirin laughed, a silvery sound that somehow lacked any mirth.

"Oh, if you're worried about somewhere to shoot, that can be arranged easily."

The silver-haired Lunarian moved smoothly to the door, sliding it open silently, before calling out in a low voice, pitched to carry a long way.

"Udonge!"

An answering shout drifted back down the corridor "Yes, Master?"

"Bring out the archery targets and set them up in the side garden. Mind that you use the good ones, not the one the earth rabbits have been resting their mochi mortars on."

"I'll be right there, Master!"

Eirin turned back to the room. "Shall we adjourn to the garden, then? Lady Mononobe certainly seemed eager to show off her skill earlier."

Tojiko simply gave Futo a meaningful look, one which the shikaisen knew well by now. That was the look Tojiko gave her whenever she was about to abandon Futo like the coward she was, the one that said _Don't expect me to help you with this_.

With a sigh like that of a condemned man, Futo rose and followed the two Lunarians out of the room.


	7. Chapter 7

In the gardens of the House of Eternity, the brilliant moon shone down on what promised to be a strange scene. While late night gatherings were certainly nothing unusual in Gensoukyou, this particular one was rather more unique than most. After all, it wasn't every day that you saw an all-out archery contest between a genius from the Moon and an immortal Taoist of the Asuka era.

Kaguya and her retinue were the first to exit the house. The Lunarian princess moved smoothly and silently, gliding effortlessly along the ground. Her floor-length robes swept after her, somehow managing to remain completely pristine. Eirin trailed along sedately behind the princess, while Reisen fell in behind and to the right, ready to respond to any command her master might give.

Slightly behind the Lunarians, Futo emerged from the mansion, moving with a confident stride and a gaze fixed straight ahead. So what if she was not actually sure of winning? She was a representative of the great Crown Prince Toyosatomimi no Miko, and nothing, especially not her own doubts, should be allowed to get in the way of bringing glory to Miko, and by extension, Futo. Keeping herself distracted with hopeful dreams of triumph, Futo barely registered a word of whatever nonsense it was that Tojiko was babbling as the ghost drifted alongside.

All of them came to a stop in front of the row of archery targets, just as the earth rabbits Reisen had delegated to the job finished setting them up. A quick dismissal from the moon rabbit, and the little youkai scattered, seeking out friends as more and more of the rabbits of Eientei began emerging to watch the spectacle. Small knots of earth rabbits had formed already, spread throughout the garden. Some were eagerly conversing in hushed voices, others simply content to sit back and watch. One group was huddled in a corner, trying to look inconspicuous but doing a terrible job of it. As Futo glanced at them, she spotted a single bunny collecting what looked suspiciously like money from the others, and writing something down in a little notepad.

Futo didn't like any of this at all. All these youkai around made her twitchy, and they all looked far too similar to each other. Besides, she had a grudge to settle with one rabbit in particular. Who knew if she was hiding in plain sight, laughing behind Futo's back? She was about to muse further on this possibility, but was rudely brought back to the present by a sharp nudge in her ribs, courtesy of Tojiko's elbow, as Kaguya began to speak.

"Well then, I'm looking forward to seeing a fine display of skill from the both of you. The finest Earth archery, pitted against the best that the Moon has to offer! This is going to be most enthralling indeed. Do your best, Eirin, and you as well, Lady Mononobe!"

With those cheery words, the princess moved back a little, Reisen at her side, giving the contestants some space. After a short pause, Tojiko drifted over to join them, but not before harshly whispering to Futo "For goodness sakes, don't do anything stupid!", a comment Futo chose not to dignify with a response.

Meanwhile, Eirin stretched a little, working out some kinks in her back, before turning to Futo with a serene face.

"Will you require the loan of a bow, Lady Mononobe? I don't wish to presume, of course, but you do seem to be lacking one at the moment, which would seem to preclude participating in a challenge of bowmanship."

A soft huff was the only reply Eirin received, as Futo held a hand out and reached _beyond_ reality. After a few moments, her hand reemerged from thin air, clutching a cherry-wood bow, unadorned beyond a shining coat of lacquer and multiple coloured ribbons tied at each end.

Reisen looked vaguely interested, while Kaguya simply smiled pleasantly, looking like she had just seen a particularly clever trick from a street juggler. Eirin, on the other hand, remained silent and impassive, though Futo thought her eyebrows might have gone slightly up.

The Taoist scowled. She had hoped to get more of a reaction with that little trick. The first time she witnessed Seiga demonstrating how to use a miniature pocket dimension to store items...well, it was then when Futo found out just how high a pitch her voice could reach when excited. She had even forgotten how much she disliked Seiga for a whole two hours.

As Futo strung her bow, Eirin turned towards her apprentice. A single, crisp "Udonge", and the moon rabbit stepped forward to hand her master a long package she had been carrying, wrapped in what looked like silk at first glance, though Futo would have sworn that no earthly weaver could ever have produced fabric that delicate. Eirin gently unwrapped the shimmering fabric to reveal a large bow, gleaming black under the moonlight. White satin streamers were wound around both ends, fluttering slightly as Eirin lifted the bow and began stringing it. A soft _twang_ from the bowstring, an appreciative murmur; then the satisfied-looking Eirin turned to face Futo.

"I am ready, Lady Mononobe. Do you require any additional time for preparation? Perhaps a little stretching?"

Futo wrinkled her nose. And here she had thought that Eirin's tone couldn't have gotten more irritating. Obviously, she was wrong. A tiny, traitorous part of her mind whispered that this wasn't the only thing she had gotten wrong today, but Futo shoved that part away forcefully. Questioning herself now was a singularly bad idea, even by her admittedly low standards.

"Be not concerned, Lady Yagokara! While time doth indeed take its dreaded toll on nearly all, the secret arts of the True Way ensure that even a stripling of tender years is not more limber than I. Let us hasten, for the night wears on."

Tojiko sighed, while Reisen twitched and Kaguya let out a giggle. Eirin didn't even seem to notice the mangling of her name, simply nodding and moving towards the targets set up earlier.

"In that case, I propose we begin with a simple challenge. Five arrows each, aimed at a single target. After that, five arrows with the target increasingly distant. Would that be acceptable to start off with, Lady Mononobe?"

Upon receiving a nod from Futo, Eirin moved into position, raising a grey-feathered shaft to her cheek and carefully drawing her arm back as she gazed at the target. The whisperings and movements of the earth rabbits ceased, as an almost unnatural stillness descended on the garden. The Lunarian sage took a single deep breath; tensed a little — then lowered her bow, as the arrow quivered slightly in the exact centre of the target.

Futo nearly gasped in surprise. She hadn't even seen the arrow be released! Still, she had a job to do. Steeling herself, she positioned herself carefully in front of her own target. An earth rabbit, press-ganged by Reisen earlier into serving as a runner (much to the amusement of her comrades), proffered an arrow to Futo, which she took, nocked and drew with the ease of long practice.

The Taoist closed her eyes, and attempted to calm herself, sinking into the memories of her old life and the hard-won skills she had developed over countless weeks and months of training. She could hear the Crown Prince's voice resounding in her mind, almost as if she was there...

" _Breathe in, breathe out. Adjust for the wind, the tension of the bow, the construction of the arrow itself. Remember, there is nothing between the arrow and the target, not even the space in between. The arrow has already hit the target the second you release it. Never hesitate, for if you do, you have already missed_."

Her bow sang, and Futo opened her eyes to see her arrow fixed in the exact centre of the target.

The silence was broken by Kaguya's enthusiastic clapping. "Simply fantastic! Why, you're both perfectly matched! This will be a most interesting contest!"

"Don't get overly excited, Princess," Eirin remarked casually as she drew back her bow once more. "The true test of an archer is in how consistent they can be, in all conditions."

As if to emphasise her point, Eirin's next arrow found its mark in the centre of the target once again. Futo soon followed, though hers was just slightly off the centre this time.

This time, both contestants continued shooting, only stopping after the agreed-on number of shots had been made. Eirin was currently leading, but Futo was trailing by barely a point. The effort had left the Taoist feeling a little winded, though. She hadn't had to concentrate that hard for ages. Eirin, on the other hand, looked as fresh as when she had started.

"I'm somewhat surprised, Lady Mononobe. I had expected your skills to be of a different level. Then again, I shouldn't have been so quick to assume. The times are different now, after all, and priorities shift and change so quickly."

Futo was reasonably sure that she was being insulted, but couldn't quite put her finger on exactly which part was the objectionable bit. It pained her to admit it, but Tojiko had always been the better one at the doublespeak and courtly innuendo. Besides, all this 'smiling outwardly, then plunging in the dagger from behind' business always struck her as being too underhanded. She preferred to simply set her problems on fire. It was _so_ much simpler.

Unfortunately, resolving her current problems with fire was not feasible at the moment, so she would simply have to make do. Pasting a smile onto her face, Futo answered in the sweetest tone she could muster.

"Forsooth, the times have indeed changed. Why, in my era, even the lowest scullery maid might have enjoyed such a challenge as we are having today; could I, who was tutored by the great Crown Prince herself, not say as much?

Eirin's eyes narrowed at the implication, and Futo crowed inwardly. So there was a person behind that serene mask after all! Unfortunately, the Taoist was unable to savour the moment for very long. Within seconds, Eirin's features had recomposed themselves into the very picture of placidity.

"We shall see. Now, for the next challenge, I propose that we —"

Without warning, a loud yell split the air, drowning out whatever else Eirin had been about to say.

"KAGUYAAAAAA! COME OUT HERE AND FIGHT ME! I KNOW YOU'RE THERE!"


	8. Chapter 8

Mononobe no Futo was praying to anything that might be listening that she would wake up and realise that the whole night had just been a really bad dream, presumably from foolishly drinking one of Seiga's concoctions. Unfortunately, reality was stubbornly refusing to oblige. Here she was, doing her best to prove her superiority and salvage what she could from the fiasco this day had become, and then everything just had to come crashing down, thanks to someone who thought they had the right to rudely interrupt solemn competitions! Said interloper also sounded like someone who was, to put it mildly, not in the best of moods.

A hush fell on Eientei's gardens as the sound of the challenge faded away. The silence only lasted for a moment, however, and a storm of whispering immediately broke out among the earth rabbits.

"...it's her again. Time to grab the buckets."

"...the last time...whole day to put out the fires in the back garden..."

"Five hundred yen on the Princess killing her at least five times!"

"Pfft, only five? Put me down for ten times and a thousand yen."

"Me, I'm going for eight mutual kills myself. I'm feeling lucky today, even if I'm no Lady Tewi."

The snatches of conversation Futo managed to catch left her dumbfounded. What nonsense were they babbling about?

She glanced around quickly. Tojiko was looking equally confused, while Reisen simply looked resigned. Eirin was as impassive as ever, but Kaguya, on the other hand... Kaguya looked positively thrilled.

"Oh my! It seems some wild creature has seen fit to barge in somewhere where it is unwanted. Lady Mononobe, Eirin, I apologise for this disruption. Please, allow me to remove this distraction. The exercise will be good for my constitution."

Kaguya spoke in the same calm, cheery tones she had been using the entire night, yet Futo thought she could sense something different under the surface. It felt like...no, that couldn't be right. The Princess wouldn't be so uncouth as to indulge in bloodlust, would she? Not just any old form of bloodlust too: it was the kind that one felt at the climax of a hunt, when the great beast you were tracking was finally brought to bay, and you had to pit your strength and wits alone against it.

Well, whatever it was, it was none of Mononobe no Futo's business. What was her business, on the other hand, was getting on Kaguya's good side. What better way to do it than to help out here?

"Nay, Highness! T'would be most unchivalrous of me if I were to allow such an exalted personage as your august self to soil her hands with such lowly business. Allow this humble one to remove the distraction, or to lend what assistance may be necessary, at the very least."

Kaguya smiled broadly. "That's very kind of you, Lady Mononobe, but it will be no trouble at all. After all, I am the host here, and it is my duty to take care of these things."

"I must most respectfully insist, Highness! Is it not the duty of all to strive for harmony in all things? As the great Crown Prince did say in her Seventeen Articles: 'Harmony is to be valued, and an avoidance of wanton opposition to be honoured.' Otherwise, it is our duty, as the Crown Prince also said, to 'chastise that which is evil and encourage that which is good.'"

Futo caught Tojiko rolling her eyes at that, but any indignant response was forestalled by the sounds of someone crashing through bamboo, as a figure in white and red burst into the garden with a loud snarl.

Futo stared at the newcomer, and recognition dawned in her eyes.

"Why, charcoal-burner, 'tis thee! Methought that voice sounded somewhat familiar, but to have the temerity to challenge royalty in such a brutish manner — one would have thought it beyond even thee!"

Mokou barely glanced at the Taoist. "Huh. The Mononobe idiot. I see you made it to Eientei after all. Stay out of my way, I'm here for Kaguya only. Unless, of course, you feel like going another round with me first. I remember you not lasting too long during the first one, though. But hey, it's your funeral."

The shikaisen couldn't believe her ears. The...the _nerve_ of the woman! Who did she think Mononobe no Futo was, to be dismissed so easily?! Why, she ought to...

As Futo sputtered incoherently, Kaguya turned to face her fellow immortal, smile still on her face.

"Oh Mokou, just as uncouth as ever, I see. Not feeling too cheerful today?"

Mokou's glare could have melted steel. "Shut up, _Princess_. You know exactly how I feel whenever I see you, and that's utterly and completely _furious_."

Kaguya lifted a dainty hand to cover a yawn. "That must be tiring. You might be content with having a one-track mind, but other people have lives to live and things to do, you know. Would it kill you to be a little less disruptive, or even show slightly more finesse?"

Mokou growled. "Finesse? I'll show you finesse, you pampered brat! You and me, right here, right now! I'll kill you so many times you won't even want to come back to life!"

With those words, the aura of heat emanating from the white-haired woman intensified, even as Kaguya coolly withdrew a small, forked branch from one of her voluminous sleeves. Just when hostilities seemed about to erupt, Eirin cleared her throat loudly.

"Miss Fujiwara. While I understand you wish to challenge the princess, might I request that you do so somewhere else for a change? There are many non-combatants here, and while danmaku is usually non-lethal, both you and the princess have been known to get a little...carried away. Not everyone shares your unique physiology, after all."

Mokou looked mutinous, but grudgingly nodded. She rose into the air, wings of flame manifesting about her, and soared up into the night skies, placing a considerable distance between herself and Eientei's grounds before halting.

Kaguya turned to the group. "I do apologise for the unsightly happenings, Lady Mononobe, Lady Soga. There's no reasoning with that woman sometimes, so you just have to discipline her in other ways. Now, please excuse me, I have someone to kill a few times."

With those parting words, Kaguya took off, heading towards where Mokou was waiting rather impatiently, from the look of the constant flares erupting from her.

Completely at a loss, Futo simply stared at Tojiko, who appeared just as stunned as she was.

In a shaking voice, the ghost spoke up. "Are they... going to _kill_ each other?"

Reisen responded, sounding extremely blase about the whole thing. "Well, yes. Both Mokou and the Princess are Hourai immortals, after all. They can't be killed. Well, it's more like 'can't be killed permanently'. They usually fight to the death about once a week, or more often if either one is feeling bored or in a bad mood. We usually let them get it out of their system, it's less troublesome that way for everyone."

Tojiko still looked a little shaken, even as she nodded her comprehension. Futo, on the other hand, had gone past shock into full-blown indignation and fury. This was the absolute last straw!

"That underhanded incendiary requires much chastising! To come into the presence of royalty, and then to behave like a drunken boor at a village tavern! Such insolence should be most soundly punished! While I have full confidence in her Highness's ability to defeat yon base-born villein, mine own pride demands recompense as well. Come, Tojiko! As fellow vassals of the Crown Prince, let us stand together and demonstrate why the might of Senkai is feared, but its favour eagerly sought after by all! Once the Princess has satisfied the demands of her honour, we shall challenge the Fujiwara and defeat her soundly. Thus, all will see the greatness of the True Way!"

"Wait, Futo! Let's not be rash —"

Cutting off the ghost, Futo bellowed, "Show thyself not a mewling coward, Tojiko! Come now, if thou art a true servant of her Highness the Crown Prince!"

The shikaisen held her hand aloft, simultaneously reciting the sacred words drilled into her as a child. With a loud crack, what looked like a large wooden boat, elaborately carved and decorated, popped into existence beside her.

Futo hopped into the boat, then immediately soared into the sky, ignoring Tojiko, who had placed her head in her hands. She set a course directly towards the two duellists, who appeared to have declared their initial spellcards already. Shining orbs in all the colours of the rainbow were beginning to fly across the sky, only to cross paths with great balls of flame coming the other way.

"Futo, you great lummox, come back! We shouldn't be getting involved in this, it's not our place!"

Futo turned her head to see Tojiko a little behind her, flying for all she was worth to catch up to the shikaisen's boat. Slowing a little, Futo allowed the ghost to catch up, though she still continued moving towards the duel in the distance.

Futo's blood had not cooled at all, and her tone was fiery as she spoke to Tojiko.

"No such thing shall I do, Tojiko! Most grievously hath the Fujiwara insulted our host, as well as ourselves. By behaving thus towards the servants of the Crown Prince, hast she not insulted the Crown Prince as well? Thus, it is our bounden duty to ensure that satisfaction is received for such insults, or we are no true servants of her Majesty!"

Tojiko looked away, sighing, before turning towards Futo, face as black as thunder.

"Fine! Fine! If you're not going to listen to me, then I guess I don't have a choice. Against my better judgement, I'll back you up on this, but I reserve the right to say 'I told you so' if it all comes back to bite us! Do you understand me, Futo!"

Futo grinned, baring her teeth. "Fear not, my comrade. Who could hope to stand against Mononobe no Futo and Soga no Tojiko together, two legends from Nippon's distant past? Now come! Let us show all who would oppose us the futility of such thoughts!"

With those final words, the two Taoists put on a burst of speed, heading directly towards the two duelists.


	9. Chapter 9

Futo stood aloft her mighty vessel as it shot skyward, her heart soaring together with her ship as they ascended into the heavens. Now, all would witness the might of those who acknowledged Toyosatomimi no Miko as their liege, and tremble in fear! That insolent incendiary would be cast down in her own flames, and the beautiful Princess Kaguya would name Futo her champion! She would finally have the respect that she so richly deserved, and —

"Futo! Stop posing on that flimsy boat of yours and keep your eyes on the battle! We've nearly reached them!" Tojiko snapped, as she continued flying alongside the shikaisen.

Futo scowled. Tojiko just didn't know how to appreciate the importance of an awe-inspiring entrance. The Soga always had been like that, chasing after foreign fripperies and neglecting the true arts of civilisation and culture, something only the Mononobe had managed to bring to full flowering. Alas, never would the world see their like again! No matter; so long as Futo lived, so too did the memory and the glory of the Mononobe. And since she didn't plan on ever dying, so too would the fame of her clan endure for eternity. Now, onto more pressing matters...

"Tojiko, thy mouth may chastise, but thy heart betrays thee. Thou art simply envious of mine magnificence. Now, stand aside, and permit me to demonstrate to thee the might of the Mononobe!"

Shooting ahead of the sputtering ghost, Futo drew a spell card as she prepared to enter the fray. Both Kaguya and Mokou appeared to not have noticed anything, lost in their own little world as they mutually attempted to blast each other out of the sky.

「Inferno Reformation」!

At Futo's declaration, a truly gigantic wheel of fire sprang into being from her windmilling arms. Without missing a beat, she dove in between the two duelers, weaving past every projectile screaming through the air with the nonchalance of someone out for a pleasant day's boating on a calm lake. For a short moment, night turned to day as the flames blazed up, fiercer than any ordinary fire could ever hope to be.

Momentarily blinded, both Hourai immortals hovered in place, blinking away the glare and ceasing their barrages. Futo took the opportunity to position herself between the two, making sure she was slightly closer to Kaguya. Panting a little, Tojiko arrived soon after, floating next to Futo with a distinctly disgruntled look on her face.

As their vision returned to normal and the enormous wheel of fire separating them faded away, Kaguya and Mokou were greeted with the sudden appearance of the two Taoists. Both of them stared blankly at the newcomers for a few seconds before the Lunarian princess found her voice.

"Ah, Lady Mononobe, Lady Soga. What a surprise! To what do we owe this pleasure?"

Mokou was much less polite, turning the full force of her glare on Futo.

"Tch! You simply don't know when to quit, do you? What are you, some kind of masochist or something? Get out of the way now, and I'll overlook the interruption."

Futo pretended not to hear Mokou, instead turning an imploring look upon Kaguya.

"Highness, this humble one beseeches you to allow us to remove this irritant. There is no need for you to exert yourself, and certainly not for yon pathetic lowlife!"

Mokou stabbed a finger towards Futo.

"Alright, that's it. I've had just about enough out of you. I was gonna be content with just killing Kaguya a couple of times, but you've gone and gotten me even more irritated now. A couple of good shots to your head ought to let out a bit of that hot air inside, even if I can't go as far as I can with Miss Perfect Princess over there."

Tojiko desperately tried to rescue the situation, but it was rapidly heading past the point where words would have done any good.

"Miss Fujiwara! Surely there's no need to go so far? Why don't we all just land and talk things over? Futo over there is a bit of a meat-head, and she doesn't always mean all the things she says."

"Perjure not thyself, Tojiko! Mononobe no Futo proclaims no false words, nor is she one who neglects the arts of the mind! Whatever I have said this day is the complete truth, and it shall be proclaimed from the rooftops ere the sun rises. This I swear by the glorious sword of the Crown Prince!" Futo spat, directing a challenging look towards the white-haired immortal.

"Oh, that's the way you want it, huh? Come on, then! Your very own Mount Shigi awaits, _Mononobe_."

At that reminder of her family's shame, Futo could not help letting out an inarticulate growl, before flinging out her hand in front of her.

"Enough prattle! Have at thee, knave!"

Futo faintly caught Tojiko muttering something that sounded like "That was supposed to be _my_ line," though she could barely make out anything over the blood pounding in her ears and the sudden explosion that engulfed Mokou, sending the white-haired woman plummeting towards the ground.

Wait, what?!

The Taoist blinked a few times, not quite registering what had just happened. A few seconds later, her brain finally caught up and she glanced about wildly for a clue, any clue to what had just happened, before it ground to a halt once more at the sight before her.

The Princess Kaguya descended majestically, silhouetted by the full moon in all its glory. At that moment, she seemed timeless and untouchable, far above all the crawling things of the Earth. It was all Futo could do to not prostrate herself before her. Even then, she immediately dropped to one knee as she would have for her own liege, ignoring Tojiko's gasp.

"I do apologise for interrupting, Lady Mononobe, Lady Soga, but Mokou left herself wide open, thanks to her focus on you. I simply couldn't let such an opportunity go. You both have my heartfelt gratitude. Especially you, Lady Mononobe. You kept Mokou occupied magnificently!"

Kaguya sounded extremely pleased with herself, and by the looks of it, extremely pleased with Futo as well! The shikaisen beamed. Finally, things were going her way.

Of course, that was when Mokou blasted her out of the sky for the second time that night.

The battle had restarted in earnest, with Mokou now duelling Kaguya and the two Taoists simultaneously. She was doing well, but was still slowly being forced back. It was obvious to Futo that it had been a long time since the ruffian had to deal with three opponents at the same time. Soon, she would lie low in defeat and the honour of the Mononobe would be avenged!

A small voice inside her remarked that it was hardly honourable or chivalrous to fight in this way, but Futo simply ignored that voice. Victory covered a multitude of sins, after all.

Mokou grunted as she dodged one of Tojiko's thunderbolts, before retaliating with wave after wave of flames that spread out almost hungrily. Futo dodged all of them with almost contemptuous ease.

"Halt thy foolish assaults, peasant! Such a one as I cannot possibly be harmed by such feeble attempts at flames! Now, cease thy violence at once or face my wrath!"

Futo received no answer from Mokou except a snarl, but she hadn't really expected to get one anyway. This battle would be ending soon, and she was looking forward to seeing Mokou humbled before her. Oh, she was _definitely_ looking forward to that. First, she'd make her prostrate and apologise humbly to her and the Princess. After that, she'd make her acknowledge the superiority of the Mononobe and their mastery of flame and swear never to defile it by using it so casually again. Next, she'd have Mokou swear loyalty to the Crown Prince. She would probably make a decent game-warden, once she knew her place. The fact that this would place her directly under Futo's authority was just a bonus, of course.

"FUTO, WATCH OUT!"

Tojiko's warning came a little too late for Futo, as Mokou took advantage of her opponent's distraction to literally blow herself apart, creating a blast strong enough to flatten a huge swath of bamboo below, clearing the forest nearly all the way to the walls of Eientei. Of course, this killed Mokou, but being a Hourai Immortal had its advantages, and one of them was that you could actually make being a suicide bomber a repeatable tactic.

The explosion sent Futo crashing down, knocking down a few surviving bamboo clumps and carving a deep furrow into the earth. Anyone watching would have sworn that no one could have survived that.

Of course, the shikaisen was alive. It would take a lot more than that to kill Mononobe no Futo. She did, however, have a terribly aching head, and her bruises had bruises at this point. She sat up with a groan.

"Oof...'twas a most unmannerly blow. Still, the incendiary has my respect for't. At the very least, she well knows how to die like a true warrior."

Above, rainbow flashes showed that Kaguya still battled on. Tojiko, on the other hand, must have been caught in the same blast as Futo, since she didn't see any of the ghost's lightning bolts. Allowing herself a slight moan, Futo slowly rose to her feet, panting a little. It might be best if she rested a little while before rejoining the fight. Even the greatest warrior still needed to acknowledge the needs of their body.

Leaning against a stalk of bamboo that had managed to remain upright, Futo gazed up at the battle. The sight was truly magnificent, she had to admit. For all her faults, Mokou could really put up a good fight.

"So, enjoying the show, Miss True Way?"

Futo whirled around at the unexpected voice. Standing there, smirking, was that accursed rabbit, the one who had led her a merry chase round the forest and caused her to humiliate herself in front of the princess.

Keyed up on adrenaline, Futo simply reacted in the most natural way to something that took her off guard. She launched immense amounts of fire at it.

"YOU! The foul youkai rabbit! Perish, you vile creature! The cleansing flames of the Mononobe will rid us of you once and for all!"

The rabbit simply sniggered and vanished from sight, just before Futo's flames would have hit. Deprived of their target, they continued on. Ordinarily, this would just have caused a minor forest fire, but Mokou's earlier explosion had cleared out most of the bamboo that would have been hit. Instead, the flames went on, and on, till at last they smashed into the first thing they encountered. Namely, the left wing of Eientei.

Futo stared in dumb horror. Perhaps Princess Kaguya would accept her seppuku, even if she was immortal. It would be better than whatever Miko would do to her after she heard of the events of tonight.


	10. Chapter 10

The rabbits of Eientei were a generally laid-back bunch. Why wouldn't they be, when daily life for them was so easy? Wake up, pound some mochi, maybe be petted by the Princess a little, run a few errands for Lady Tewi or Eirin, then it was off to sleep and to repeat the whole thing the next day. It was a pretty satisfying life, all in all. You had plenty to eat and a warm, safe place to stay, and all the Lady Tewi required of you in return was doing a few jobs now and then. It was practically paradise, especially for creatures who were used to having to run and hide just to survive in their pre-youkai days.

However, there were some jobs in Eientei which were less...appreciated than others. One of those was dealing with the fallout from the Princess's never-ending battles with Mokou, since these always left the place in a mess. The earth rabbits, by sheer necessity, had become pretty good carpenters, landscapers, and even masons, as well as learning how to put out fires as quickly and efficiently as possible.

That experience was coming in handy right now, as they had formed a bucket brigade not even five minutes after that silly human visitor had rushed into the compound (On foot! Did she forget she could fly?) screaming something about the east wing being on fire and how the vile incendiary fighting the princess had _obviously_ been responsible for such a travesty. Several of the bunnies had groaned, especially one holding a little notepad, while others had looked way too gleeful for anyone who had just been told their home was on fire. Reisen had started ordering the rabbits around, but most had already begun grabbing the pre-positioned buckets that had been brought out when Mokou showed up. The first loads of water began hitting the flames a few minutes later, and the fire soon looked to be under control, even if it would need another half-hour or so to be put out completely.

Arson, multiple homicides, and mayhem: just another night at the House of Eternity.

* * *

Mokou and the Princess had slaughtered each other at least ten more times while Futo had been occupied. The last one had been a particularly messy mutual kill, and Mokou seemed to have worked off most of her bad mood by then. After resurrecting, she'd tossed a fireball Kaguya's way on general principle, than landed and stalked off, hands in pockets and seemingly in much better spirits than when she'd arrived.

As the fire continued to burn, Futo had joined the bucket brigade, sweating both internally and externally. Eventually, the fire was out, and she sank down, breathing heavily. All around her, earth rabbits gave Futo a wide berth, now that the threat was over. A few stared at her, but at a discreet distance. Futo would normally have reacted to such rude treatment, but right now she was too tired to even get up.

"Futo? There you are, I've been looking all over for you! What happened? I heard shouts, then the house was on fire! What did you do this time?" Tojiko floated over, her face fixed in a scowl.

"How...fares...the...princess?" Futo wheezed out.

Tojiko frowned. "Last I saw, she and that Fujiwara woman were throttling each other. Hardly princess-like behaviour, in my opinion. Then again, this place is just plain strange. Back in our day, you'd never catch a noble dead doing their own dirty work. I mean, what are assassins _for_ if you're gonna just up and kill your enemies yourself?"

"Miss Mononobe! Miss Soga! Miss Mononobe! Where are you? Master wants to have a word!"

"Oh, isn't that Miss Reisen? I _wonder_ what she wants with us?" Tojiko glared at Futo.

Futo's eyes went wide. "Tojiko, methinks 'tis time we returned to the Crown Prince to appraise her of what exactly hath befallen tonight. Art thou agreed with me?"

Tojiko shook her head, sighing again. "Oh well, it's not like I didn't expect having to pull your fat out of the fire tonight. Let's go."

"Thou art a boor and a churl, but not wholly unwise. Let us depart afore Journeyman Reisen arrives." Futo shuddered a little. "I do not relish the thought of speaking with that woman she names her Master."

"Ohhh, is the great and mighty Mononobe no Futo scared of a pharmacist?"

"Shut thy mouth, Tojiko, afore I shut it on thy behalf."

* * *

"You know, Eirin, I quite enjoyed that little scrap. It's been the most fun I've had since Mokou tried to poison me while we were drinking but didn't notice I had switched the glasses."

"Well, I suppose that Soga girl was pleasant enough. The Mononobe was a little...impulsive, though. We're going to have to rebuild the east wing again."

"After two millennia of stasis, I think we could do with a bit more of that. Don't you agree, Eirin? Besides, I never liked the east wing anyway."

"Really, Princess? She's a liar, flatterer, and braggart."

"Ah, but aren't we all in the end? Besides, the Kirisame girl is much worse, and I don't see you running her off every time she drops by. I do think Mononobe truly believes everything she said though, so not quite a liar. More...misled as to the truth of things, perhaps. Much like that other princess in the Human Village."

"Ah, the 'police officer'. Well, if you're sure about this, then I'll write the letter, and include what you were insisting on."

"Thank you, Eirin. You know where my seal is, I presume? Best to make it as official as we can. We're corresponding with a Crown Prince, after all."

* * *

Miko folded up the letter she had just received, then pinched the bridge of her nose tightly. Why, if Futo didn't know any better, she would have said the Crown Prince was suffering from a migraine! That was impossible, of course.

"Futo? Come here, please. I've just received the most extraordinary letter from one Yagokoro Eirin, who claims to be the tutor and guardian of the Princess Kaguya."

Futo trotted over, then bowed deeply, her face the very picture of attentive obedience. Inwardly, she was beginning to feel a little nervous. Who knew what vile slander that old hag had written! She'd deny it all, of course. The Crown Prince, in her wisdom, would of course believe her over the word of a stranger. Thankfully, Tojiko was away today, or else she'd probably have made things worse.

Miko cleared her throat once or twice, then coughed. She didn't look too well, in Futo's opinion. Why was she fidgeting with that blasted letter anyway?

"Highness! Perhap you might be better served to retire for the day? Your countenance, which usually shines as fair and as comely as the day-star, seems to be clouded over by the worries of life today. Perhap you might wish to partake of a certain tincture of restoration that I am more than capable of preparing? 'Twas something I uncovered while perusing a certain tome from the library the other day."

Miko grimaced a little. "Don't worry about me, Futo. Also, you _do_ remember I forbade you from experimenting with any sort of alchemy or potion making without supervision, correct?"

"...But Highness! By my oath upon the Sacred Boat of the Mononobe, every possible precaution would be taken! If you would but allow me to resume experiments..."

"No buts, Futo. I still remember the last time you got your hands on Seiga's potion manual. We were cleaning the workshop up for a month. The scorch marks on the ceiling still won't come out! No more potion making or experimenting, and that's final. Am I understood?"

Futo pouted, but grudgingly nodded. Blast that Tojiko for surprising her back then! She could have controlled the reaction if only she had a little more warning!

Miko sighed, unfolding the letter again. She glanced down at it, and then looked at Futo.

"So, according to this letter, while on the diplomatic mission I charged you with, you not only managed to set the home of the Princess on fire..."

"Lies, all lies!"

Quailing a little at Miko's glare, Futo hastily amended her statement a little.

"Well, 'twas only the most minute part of it, Crown Prince! Also, most of the flames came from the charcoal-burner, I swear."

"Also, you witnessed Princess Kaguya and Fujiwara no Mokou kill each other about twenty times..."

'Twas closer to thirty, by my reckoning."

"Joined in the battle yourself, together with Tojiko..."

"Indeed! Though she was more a hindrance than a help, if I may be so bold as to say so."

"Fled once the fire was out, without even offering to pay compensation..."

"Vile slander and lies! We simply chose to head back to recover, but never got the chance to return!"

At some level, Futo realised she was just digging a deeper grave for herself, but at this point, she just didn't care anymore.

"And you now have a standing invitation from Princess Kaguya herself to come over whenever, and I quote, 'life needs a bit of shaking up'?"

"I regret nothi- wait, what?"

Miko folded the letter up. "That's what it says. The seals of the Princess and this Lady Yagokoro are affixed directly underneath as well."

Futo was temporarily speechless, but joy soon filled her. The Princess had acknowledged her! Finally, finally, someone recognised her worth! Well, someone other than the Crown Prince.

"So, let me see if I've gotten the whole thing straight. I send you to present my greetings and best wishes to her, and basically make friends. Instead, you burnt down her house, interfered in a fight she had with her rival, and she found it so exciting, she wants you to come back?"

"Indeed, Crown Prince! You have summed up the situation most excellently! Truly your wisdom and understanding is beyond us all!"

Miko slumped back into her chair.

"I need a drink."

A/N: Finally, a happy ending for Futo.


End file.
